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FIVE REASONS YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOUR PERIODS

The monthly rituals of odd food cravings and painful nights have always been looked down upon by the society, and rightly so. The uncles, who believe our blood is blue, are God-sent guardian idiots who must be allowed to decide when our flow of blood is disrupting their flow of thought. You do not want to invite trouble by yelling out the P word, unlike guys. What do you want people to think? That you bleed every month? How uninspired.

1.           THEY ARE NATURAL!

Unlike the over-exaggeratedly joyful girls in the sanitary napkin adverts, periods are natural. Though society cringes at the mention of it, trust me, we hate periods as much as you do. It is absolutely true that if you have no control over your hormones, how are you going to have any control over your life? Naturally, we do not tend to use our biological powers to shoot blood over every wall unlike the over appreciated wall-art by the ‘paan’ spatters of India – bloody mind blowing, literally.

2.           WHAT WILL THE BOY WITH THE WET BOXERS THINK?

He heard the P word! It could change his whole life, from top to bottom confusing him about his own P word. Well, if only you would have been softer, his mother would not have to explain to him how she actively avoided giving birth to him for years. Revolutionary! Knowing her son does not think a lot as it is, explaining him that Aunt Flo will never visit him – would be rather difficult.

3.           THE CONTROVERSIAL BLACK POLYBAG

Nothing beats the embarrassment of carrying a black bag. Those sanitary napkins do not appear as sanitary then. What is she carrying in that bag – Drugs? Osama? PADS? Totally the same things. Well, at least it is not pink because that would make it too obvious, and sexist. And God forbid, you are spotted with a transparent carry bag with pads inside; it is the same as a scandal, almost like a... natural disaster.

4.           MOOD SWINGS

It is not only the people’s heads and arms that unreasonably swing; it is YOUR mood that affects their awkward head bobbing and pigeon-like body movements. Your mood swing may be the reason why there is an earthquake in Sri Lanka. But no, you must not tell people that it is that time of the month – that would be too logical. Just smile and wave.

5.           YOU ARE DOING NOTHING TO STOP IT!

How dare you keep having them every single month? Why must you carry the black bag of shame? You cannot just keep putting the world through shame of your bleeding uterus. Why don’t you just pray for long enough? Contrary to logical belief, God takes periods away from the good ones. I heard Santa say so once. Maybe if you use your phone less, perform better in class, and probably have unsafe sex, you will not be a shame to society anymore.

It is time you realize when to keep your lips shut (literally), and let the society do the talking. You want to be different? Apologize to the guy next door... 'naturally' – I am sure his mother would appreciate it. Period.